One abuser gets punished, but so many others do not
Orthodox celebrity-accused-rapist Chaim Walder quickly lost some big supporters. That is a positive sign. But there are a lot more abusers out there who are still going strong. Why?
First came the reports that celebrity Orthodox children’s author and therapist Chaim Walder has been raping girls. It is a particularly sickening story because he has made a career out of being an “expert” in kids. This two-faced persona is reflective of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde abuser characteristic, in which he is one thing on the outside and another on the inside. More than that, though, it is also an example of a more sinister emotional manipulation, the “Great savior” persona of the narcissistic abuser, in which the perpetrator pretends to be a hero for his victims in order to get into their good graces and gain their trust, submission, and infinite adoration. These characteristics can be very confusing to the victims and leave them struggling with trust issues and relying on their own internal judgments, among other things.
The of Walder’s exploits was followed by a swift ousting from his own community. Orthodox-centered businesses that have decided to ban his products in Eichlers, Feldheim, Yated Neeman, Radio Kol Hai, and Osher Ad. This is a pretty big deal, and it doesn’t happen every day. That is to say, while reports of sexual abuse in the Jewish community seem to happen every day, this kind of quick boycott of the accused certainly does not. There are not many cases of sexual abuse that merited this kind of immediate, unapologetic, unambiguous response.
In fact, most abusers in the Jewish community are left exactly where they are, with little if any accountability. Here are just a few examples:
Marc Gafni, a sexual abuser who has allegedly been at it for years, especially with young girls, has a thriving career as a kind of new-age spiritual guru, and even had a glowing write-up in the New York Times. He presents himself as “beloved wisdom teacher.”
Eyal Golan, accused of sexual assault of minor groupie girls — although charges against him were dropped, his father served time for the crimes — Golan remains a music and television star and was even honored in the Knesset, despite protests.
The Tufik brothers, whose Jerusalem yeshiva was found by a rabbinical court to be a center for pedophilia, are still there. The court told parents to avoid sending their children to this yeshiva. “Just try and avoid him”, is their sound advice.
Michael Steinhardt, despite an investigative report in the New York Times describing decades of sexual abuse, has the exact same status, stature, platforms, reputation, and positions that he did before the report came out. He brushed off the reports like cute little snowflakes on a winter coat.
Larry Bach was “censured” so secretly for abuse of a congregant where he was the pulpit rabbi that nobody in the congregation even found out about it, and he continues to have a following as a guitar-playing spiritual inspiration. He calls himself a “lyrics-driven folk/Americana artist” and recently released a new album.
Almost all the rabbis listed in the HUC Report on sexual abuse, who were known to be sexual predators, but were also considered too important, valuable, or perhaps powerful to do anything about. “Just try to avoid them” was the advice whispered for decades.
There are many other examples around the Jewish world of abusers who still retain power and supporters, even after admitting abuse and in some cases doing time.
Moti Elon, who was convicted of sexual abuse of boys in the yeshiva that he ran and years later confessed to new crimes, continues to have a major following, including high-profile friends who maintain his innocence (some of whom have been accused as well).
Ari Shavit, the Israeli author who admitted that accusations of sexual harassment against him were true and actually lost his job as a writer at Ha’aretz, has since been on the high-paid speakers’ ticket among American Jews, gotten a lavish book deal, and is still quoted as an “expert” in his field, despite the fact that his writing also contains problematic attitudes towards women as mindless sex objects.
Steven M. Cohen, who also lost some of his work after admitting to decades of sexual abuse, is still invited as a speaker and an “expert” in his field — even though, his work also incorporates sexist and misogynistic premises.
And more…..
Against this backdrop, the severe reactions to news that Chaim Walder is probably a serial rapist are an important sign of change. But it’s just the beginning, and barely a drop in the ocean.
One of the questions that continues to nag at our community is why so many high-profile sexual abusers have received high-profile support. That is a question that the entire community must account for.