On Musk, Bezos, Trump, Netanyahu, and the era of absolute freedom for bullies. Especially rich ones.

What do all these events have in common? They all erase the idea that people have moral responsibility to help each other, even in the face of violence. It is all becoming clear.

Last June, I participated in a Palestinian-Israeli course for training in group-facilitation. Even though I have done many programs like this, I am always looking for new tools to bridge cultural gaps and work on grass-roots alternatives to the bloodshed. The course was meant to be 50-50 Jewish-Palestinian, but for whatever reason, only one of the Palestinians who had registered ended up attending. This led to a discussion about hidden impacts of the war, as well as issues of cultural balance, mutual comfort, and the role of language — because the course ended up being conducted in Hebrew rather than a combination of Hebrew and Arabic, leaving one person vulnerable while the rest of the room spoke in their native language (well, almost).

To further explore the role of language in constructing social hierarchies, someone suggested a thought experiment: for ten minutes, we speak in Arabic only, each one to our ability. It was intended to give us all an appreciation for being in a space where we are not speaking our native language. (For me, as the American-born in the room, I did not need any reminder of that, as I live most of my life in my second language. Nevertheless, I fully appreciated and enjoyed the experiment and its underlying point.)

So we went around the circle, each of us speaking in Arabic to the best of our abilities, some better than others. The Palestinian man in the room, we’ll call him Ahmed, responded with joy and laughter, helping us with words, and enjoying the role reversal. It was a light and fun exercise to help us see what we may not have seen.

At least for a while.

Then something happened. As we went around the circle, it came to the turn of a woman whom I’ll call Rachel. She struggled with half a sentence in Arabic, and then turned to Ahmed and angrily said to him, “Look what you made me do!”

We were all like, Huh?

Rachel went on. “Because of you, I have to do something I don’t want to do and don’t like doing and it brings back bad memories of being in school and I don’t like it. And it’s all your fault!”

She was not being ironic. She started to cry.

“I had to experience humiliation here because of YOU!” she said.

The experiment was no longer fun.

Ahmed got up to leave. He wasn’t crying, only she was.

“The experiment was not even my idea,” he said before opening the door. “And I don’t appreciate being attacked and blamed.”

While Rachel kept going, some of us focused on Ahmed and getting him to stay. Even though Rachel had turned on the waterworks, it was clear that Ahmed was the victim here. He was a big, burly guy with a loud voice and soft heart, and definitely did not deserve this.

Some of us convinced Ahmed to stay, while others focused on soothing Rachel, poor Rachel, who had the unfortunate experience of remembering how hard it was to master a foreign language elementary school.

It was a bit surreal. As Ahmed hesitantly returned to the circle, turning his chair around in the corner to establish a certain distance, he shared some of his observations. “Whose pains are more important in this country? Whose tears count? I experience humiliations every day. Every. Single. Day. Living in this country as a Palestinian man subjected to regular stops, searches, and suspicions. For speaking Arabic. Or just being who I am. But I am not crying. So if I don’t cry apparently nobody cares?”

Some of us did care. Some of us heard him. Really.

But here’s the thing that I want to focus on for a moment: Where were the facilitators during all this?

Silent. Completely silent.

They did nothing. They just let it play out. As Rachel took up the room with her story of feeling ashamed of her imperfections as a child, Ahmed had to pull himself up from the experience of going from colleague to labeled as a bully — a label that was completely wrong and unjust. It was all a little Kafkaesque.

We later learned that in this particular program, this was their “method”. That is, whatever comes up, just allow. No interference. No protecting the victim. No establishing ground rules. No stepping in. Laissez-faire, you know.

The underlying principle is this: Life is tough, so learn to suck it up. It’ll be good for you! You’ll be stronger! Or something.

At the end of that first day, the facilitators gave Rachel a big hug. Not Ahmed.

****

This event bothered me, and I could not get on board with the idea of non-interference in the face of bullying. It violates everything I believe in and know to be true.

It reminds me of what Judith Herman famously wrote in Trauma and Recovery. In her pioneering analysis of abuse, Herman discovered that when an interpersonal attack is taking place, all the attacker wants is for bystanders to do nothing. Non-interference, she wrote, fully supports the abuser. Victims of abuse desperately need outside help. And abusers just want everyone to shut up and let things play out.

This reality also reflects observations about broader injustices. Like the famous quote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,” (though nobody knows exactly who said it.)

This idea of not stepping in when facing injustice or abuse is also very unJewish. Remember how Moses became the leader of the Jews? He stepped in to save a person who was being hurt by another. Our tradition seems to think that was a good thing. In fact, our culture is filled with demands that we step in — even if we see a donkey bearing too much of a burden, we are commanded to step in.

I think about this often.

Because this Jewish idea of stepping in when you see injustice is not necessarily the prevailing view, even in spiritual circles. In fact, sometimes we hear the exact opposite. Over the years, I have participated in many new-agey, yoga-focused, Buddhist and self-help groups, and in those settings we often hear that we can’t “help” anyone but that people can only help themselves. Or variations of that theme. We hear that people need to all go on their own “journey” and that our job is not to interfere with their karma. This idea has been the source of some debate in India, too, about whether or not human beings have a responsibility to help others our of their dire straits. The Jewish idea of stepping in often conflicts with the Hindu idea of karma or fate. So if you see someone living in dire poverty, do you step in or not step in? Do you help them out or not?

I know where I stand on this question. I take the Jewish path. You step in. Do unti others what you would want for yourself. None of us wants to be hurt while the rest of the world watches.

It’s a no-brainer, frankly.

Or so I thought.

And yet, suddenly, the world is starting to feel upside down.

Fast forward to this past week. Yes, it was an intense week in Israel with baby funeral marches and dead body celebrations by Hamas. As well as more revelations about the corrupt Israeli government. And all kinds of new levels of crazy in the Trump-Musk America. It’s all connected, for sure. Which is what I’m trying to say at the end.

But for now, I want to focus on one news item that really struck me.

And that is, the new editorial directions at Washington Post. Jeff Bezos announced the following:

“We are going to be writing every day in support and defense of two pillars: personal liberties and free markets.“ Bezos said.

He added the opinion section would cover other topics, but “viewpoints opposing those pillars will be left to be published by others”.

“There was a time when a newspaper, especially one that was a local monopoly, might have seen it as a service to bring to the reader's doorstep every morning a broad-based opinion section that sought to cover all views,” Bezos wrote. “Today, the internet does that job.”

There are a few things here that struck me. Obviously he has very clearly and unequivocally aligned with Trump and Musk, and is now adding his newspaper to the many digital megaphones that are devoted to the trump world. Yes. That is all, well, alarming, for sure.

Also the end of a free media. The idea of independent media is a cornerstone of democracy. Bezos is just chucking that out, like yesterday’s take-out. Also alarming. Very.

But there’s another piece in here that is playing inside my head. I’m looking at the issues that he chose to focus on as sacred to him. Personal liberties and free markets. It’s basically the idea of, “Don’t anyone tell ME what to do!'"

Which I’m thinking maybe summarizes the entire Trump culture right now.

It’s a bunch of billionaires and their (perhaps not so smart) minions using whatever tools they can grab — legally or illegally — to make sure that they are free to say and do whatever they want.

Effectively they are eliminating all forms of interference.

I think if we look closely at everything Musk is doing right now, we can see that as well.

Don’t touch me, my words, or especially my money!

That feels like the thrust of things here.

It’s laissez-faire compounded. Leave my money alone, and leave my words alone.

Spoken by billionaire bullies.

***

I’m thinking that this perhaps is the big difference between conservatives and liberals. Maybe always has been. Republicans complain about what they call “identity politics” and about “woke” and DEI etc. But what they are really just saying is that they want to be left alone to do what they have always done — which is to say what they want to whoever they want and to make as much money as they want in whateer ways they can.

It’s a message of: Don’t get in my way.

Whereas the message of Democrats is very simple: Care. Take action. Interfere with pain and injustice.

I think that this is really it. This is at the core of this “great divide” or whatever we want to call it. It’s the difference between people who look at the injustice in the world and think, “We should do something,” and people who look at it and say, “Leave us alone.”

And we know who is who.

People who are being hurt — or who have empathy with those being hurt — want the world, or the government to do something. The people don’t the hurting just want us all to be quiet and walk away.

It’s that simple. That’s really the whole thing that is happening in the world right now. Give or take.

That’s what Jane Fonda was talking about this week. She summarized all of this when she said that “Wokeness just means that you give a damn about another person.”

****

And since I’m sitting in Israel where so much hurt is taking place, I will add that of course our culture is part of this.

Bibi, exactly like Trump, wants the media to shut up, wants liberals and protesters to shut up, wants Palestinians to LITERALLY disappear, and wants to spend taxpayer money on cigars, Sara’s Prada bags, and his private jet and swimming pool in Caesaria. He sees nothing wrong with any of that.

It’s a personality type for sure. Bibi, Trump, Musk, Bezos — they are all the same. They are doing whatever they can to force the world to shut up instead of demanding interference. They may use all kinds of words like liberty or whatever, but these are just words.

The truth is very simple. It’s about who is siding with the bullies of the world, and who is siding with compassion.

****

At the end of my five-day program, I couldn’t take it anymore. Every single day of the program, Rachel bullied someone else. Every single day, one person in the room walked out in tears. And the facilitators did nothing. They were of the opinion that this was a good thing, some kind of learning experience. Many of us chatted afterwards, wondering if there was any truth in that, wanting to trust, but not being able to. On the fifth day, it was my turn. I was in Rachel’s crosshairs and she yelled at me in some revolting ways. I got up and left, and I did not turn back. I am not accommodating this anymore.

Last week, one of the people I met in the class called me up to get together. We had a long chat, and she told me that she was still traumatized from that experience, and does not understand how this strategy of “don’t interfere” can be considered worthy of anything. I agreed.

And we said we would meet up again and work together on some different projects. That gives me hope.

This is just one small moment of resistance. I’m coming to think that the real way to fight back against all the awfulness that we’re experiencing in this world is in small, grass-roots connections like this one. Small steps, deep roots, to change our culture.

That’s where I am at the moment.

And also, we need to end the war. And the systemic root causes. But mostly, change our cultures. Starting from deep in our hearts.

Shabbat Shalom

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