I'm angry. So angry.

So angry that it's hard to form words today.

The six hostages who were executed over the weekend: (clockwise left to right): Alex Lobanov, Eden Yerushalmi, Almog Sarusi, Master Sgt Ori Danino, Hersh Goldberg-Polin, Carmel Gat

I spent much of the night stewing instead of sleeping. At a certain point I thought, I should turn this rage into a post, to try and explain why this day is so unbearably infuriating. And then I thought, maybe I should make a video instead of an essay. Because after my last video, one of my followers wrote to me, “You come across much less angry in the videos than you do in the written posts.” And those words actually traveled through my brain as I was contemplating what to do, and I somehow had the space in my head to remember that the world hates the sound of angry women. That idea is still taking up space in my brain. Which goes to show you that misogyny just may have more staying power in our souls than our drive for justice and compassion. Yet another depressing thought on this awful day….I mean, how annoying is it to be facing the cruel execution of people that resulted from the cruel narcissism of your own psychopathic leaders — and to be worried about whether you’re sounding too angry?

So this morning, I’m thinking, fuck it.

I am angry. I AM SO ANGRY….

And I’m going to try and parse it out in words. Even though maybe you don’t need me to. Maybe you’re all angry too.

Yeah, I hope you are. And I hope you’re less worried about sounding angry than I so often am, apparently. I hope our drive for justice and humanity ultimately outweighs all else. All else….

****

Where do I even start? With a mountain of lava pouring forth from my soul, bubbling up for almost a year — no, two years, maybe a decade, maybe a lifetime….

Let’s start at the beginning of this current hostage nightmare. Since Hamas abducted some 250 hostages nearly a year ago, the Israeli government has had innumerable opportunities to get them back. Already in the first week after October 7, there was an agreement on the table to get them ALL back in exchange for the release of 6000 Palestinian prisoners. The Israeli government didn’t even bother responding to the offer. Why? Well, the “official” reason is that some of those 6000 would end up carrying out terrorist attacks. This, of course, was just an excuse. And a bad one that. The real reason was that Bibi wanted to have his war.

(Just to be clear, the overwhelming majority of Palestinians in Israeli prisons are there for things like their social media posts…. And an insufferable number are minors, many of whom are held for months or years without indictments or charges even basic rights of knowing why they were arrested…. Most of those 6000 should have been released anyway. But I digress.)

Bibi didn’t “refuse” the offer. He didn’t even acknowledge the offer’s existence. He was busy planning his political future. Practically giddy about his new war, the ability to instill fear in his people, which always helps him win elections, his first statement to the public was about how the anti-government protest movement was now dead. You can’t make this shit up. Before he talked about the hostages or met with the families, before he talked about the tens of thousands of displaced, before he apologized for his government’s massive failures (he still hasn’t, btw), before all that, he celebrated his political victory. The end of opposition. (Or the perceived end. It is now back, fiercer than ever….).

(BTW, for a very detailed exploration about how political ambitions outweighed any real care about people during those first weeks, see the expose about Transport Minister Miri Regev that was aired a few months ago. You can find it on my previous posts. Oh, and bring a bucket….)

That is Bibi. He never acted like he cared about the hostages. Ever. Never met the families. Never offered empathy. Never made a real plan for getting them back. Only talked about “sacrifices”.

Yeah, “sacrifices”. His language.

(I realize I should be putting in links to show you examples and sources, but I honestly don’t have the emotional bandwidth today to do that work for everyone. I’ve been writing about this almost all year, and you can go back to almost any of my Substacks or FB posts from this war and find tons of examples of all of this. Thanks for understanding.)

I’m very sensitive to language as a tool of manipulation. (Actually, in my doctoral studies in anthropology/sociology I did a lot of work on this, and some of my books rely on this kind of analysis of language and power. So it’s not just an emotional sensitivity for me but actual professional training.) So, yeah, when I hear the leader talking about “hostages” in the same breath as the word “sacrifices”, I know what ideas he is trying to plant. It is clear if we pay attention.

And then months and months of stalled negotiations.

President Biden gets excited, says a deal is imminent. And then nothing.

Qataris sound optimistic. Then nothing.

Negotiating teams come home. Ah, well, what can you do….

Hostage families are in utter torment. Bodies start piling up. More hostages are returned dead than alive. The number of still-alive hostages keeps going down. Families are screaming that their loved ones are dying.

Nothing from the government. Crickets.

A total of 8 hostages have been “rescued” over the year — at the price of thousands of dead Gazans and hundreds of dead soldiers.

Over and over. The same exercises. We get excited, then nothing.

Let’s be clear: The only time large numbers of hostages came home was via negotiations — 100, in the first 50 days. Since then, nothing.

Just so we understand. The only real way to get back hostages is through negotiations and cease fires.

But that hasn’t happened in ages.

We know the hostages are dying over there — often by the IDF. It’s so painful to admit this, but the rescued hostages report that they were terrified of IDF bombings, often more than anything else. And we know this truth. We all know. It is absolutely tormenting. But the hostage families have been screaming about this all year. For months they have been shouting that time is running out, that the ongoing war is endangering their loved-ones’ lives.

No response.

What we hear from the government is that we have to wait. That it is a “war of no choice”. That it’s Hamas’ fault. That Bibi is doing everything to get back the hostages.

In this endless war.

*****

But this is all lies. All spin.

Bibi is not and has never prioritized the hostages. Never. The war has never really had the goals of saving the hostages. The soldiers are not really doing that, looking for hostages. They are doing…. well…. other things….

And there are many, many choices other than this relentless bombardment of Gaza. We do not have to be doing what we are doing. Which is not only morally an ethically problematic to put it mildly, but also is not achieving any of our needs.

Has the war made Israelis safer? No. There are still terror attacks, still rockets…

Has the war made the Gaza rim more livable? No, the evacuees are still mostly evacuated and have no viable plan for rebuilding their communities.

Has the war made Jews safer around the world? No, just the opposite. This is arguably one of the world times to be Jewish since WWII. Every day of this war endangers Jews.

Has the war destroyed Hamas? You’re kidding, right? There is no such thing as destroying Hamas. As many military experts have said time and again. And every time we destroy a Palestinian family, village, or community, we give survivors lots of incentives to hate Israel more. Every day we continue to engage in this utterly inhumane war on Gaza, we are creating more motivated recruits for Hamas.

Has the war made long-lasting peace more viable? Hah! Again, take a look at what is happening in Gaza. Has anyone in this government given any thought to what Israel’s relationship with the Palestinians of Gaza is going to be like? Has anyone in charge even considered that Gazans are human beings? Doubtful.

The war has achieved nothing. Nothing. Not the return of the hostages. Not better security. Not an infrastructure for the future. Nothing. Just lots and lots of death and destruction. All around.

And here’s a little factoid that will also play with your brain: According the the IDF, around 1/3 of all IDF soldier deaths are from “friendly fire” or accidents.

And an estimated 20,000 soldiers have PTSD.

Oh, and the IDF also says that if a maximum 1/3 of all Gazans killed are “terrorists” and 2/3 are innocents, they consider that ratio to be a “success”.

*****

And we know for certain that the stalling in talks is Bibi Netanyahu’s fault, not that of Hamas.

So many people have been screaming about this since Oct 7. Not only people like me whose families and friends are living out the decisions of these so-called leaders. But also people on the inside who have actual power in decision-making. Bibi’s own negotiating team has been complaining for a good six months about how actively he has been sabotaging negotiations.

It’s called Moving the Goalposts.

Moving the Goalposts is a tactic of emotionally abusive narcissists and psychopaths. It’s where you try to have a conversation instead of a fight, and you try to come up with some kind of agreement, and each time the psychopath changes what they are saying.

Like, the psychopath will say, “You never clean the kitchen after dinner.”

And then the spouse will try to find a common ground and say, “I do so! Look at how clean it is now!”

And then the psychopath will say, “Well, look how dirty you left the living room.”

And the victim will be like, “Wait, what? Weren’t we talking about the kitchen?”

Moving the goalposts. Making the victim feel insane and completely sabotaging the conversation and all pretense of normalcy.

That’s what Bibi does at every single negotiation. He sends his team in with one set of demands, and as soon as they get those demands, he changes the demands.

(Notice also that the tactic of Moving the Goalposts often takes place along with Blameshifting. It’s always someone else’s fault. Bibi is the master of this as well.)

So this is exactly what happened last week. Apparently the teams were THIS CLOSE to finalizing an agreement. THIS CLOSE!!

And then Bibi suddenly began with talk about the Tzir Philadelphi, the road on the southern border of Gaza with Egypt.

Whether or not control over the Tzir Philadephi is a legitimate issue is completely irrelevant. It wasn’t part of any conversation until then. Which is how we know that it is a toxic tactic. It was 100% an example of Moving the Goalposts.

That is why last week the cabinet meeting blew up. Because Gallant called Bibi out on it. He screamed at Bibi about this exact dynamic, about constantly sabotaging talks by moving the goalposts.

Good for Gallant. Having some backbone for a moment.

But unfortunately Gallant lost. Bibi won.

No deal.

****

And the next day, apparently, six hostages were executed. Including Hersh Polin-Goldberg. Whose parents have been incredibly tireless and vocal and have won the hearts of the world in their quest for a negotiation. And when they spoke at the DNC, with all their palpable pain, they STILL managed to also advocate AGAINST the senseless killing of the people of Gaza.

And today, they are burying their child.

Who could have been saved.

Who should have been saved.

Who was on the list of hostages that were supposed to be returned in the first round. If only Bibi and his cabinet of heartless psychopathic narcissistic monsters would have done the right thing.

****

I don’t really have any more words. I’m just angry. I’m angry that we are subject to the narcissistic whims of people in power who don’t deserve that perch. I’m angry that death and killing have become normalized. I’m angry that I dedicated my life and my children’s lives to building this state out of a sense of moral commitment and tikun olam, and it all feels like a lie. I’m angry that I believed in this for so long, the idea that we are moral country with a moral army, and that it turns out that these are all lies. And I’m absolutely furious at the wanton disregard for human life displayed by our so-called leaders.

Where to from here? That is a big question.

We need new leaders. ASAP.

The Jewish people have been managed by the narcissistic, heartless, self-promoting assholes for way too long. Way, way, way too long. Too many of them. Everywhere. I’m so done with that.

The number one priority, bring down this government, with mountains of blood on its hands.

Find new leaders, who still have a heart left in their bodies. Who understand that human beings are human beings.

And then we will have to see what is salvageable here after that.

###